


All the ways home

by sloganeer



Category: The OC (TV)
Genre: Gen, Hiatus, Season/Series 01, WIP Amnesty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 23:18:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19261171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sloganeer/pseuds/sloganeer
Summary: It tells Seth that these are the songs that will guide him home.





	All the ways home

**Author's Note:**

> In 2004, at the end of the first season--with Seth on his boat to Tahiti and Ryan headed back to Chino--I wrote a lot of different ways to resolve that cliffhanger. These are some of them. None of them are real.

When they go to college, they will make new friends, and, inevitably, someone will ask, "Where are you from?"

They'll be together, because that's what Seth's like, and he'll let Ryan answer the question, just to hear what Ryan's answer will be.

Ryan's answer, he knows now, will be, "Newport."

"I grew up in a house on the beach."

-

Seth doesn't remember how he got home. The heatstroke was a souvenir from Tahiti. Seth would just be sure to send a thank you card. Just as soon as Summer stopped yelling.

They were waiting, all of them. Really. All of them. Ryan with Mom and Dad. Grandpa and Julie Cooper, Summer, Marissa, and even Kaitlin giving him a nasty look. Theresa, though; Seth didn't see Theresa. This must be hallucination.

Summer's voice faded in and out, and the words weren't completely clear. Then Grandpa started in, and before Seth could translate their language, his eyes rolled back and he hit the sand.

Mom was sitting over him when a cold wet cloth woke Seth up.

"Oh, honey, you look so red."

"I'm not clashing with my shirt, am I?" But when he looked down to check, Seth saw that he wasn't wearing a shirt. Or pants. "Mom!"

He scrambled up the bed until a hand came down, hot on his shoulder, to stop him from falling to the floor.

"Lay still," Dad said. "You're burning up. Do you think you can sleep, Seth?"

"Maybe?" He lay back on the cool sheets, curling up towards Mom and her ice cold cloth.

"Come on, Kirsten. We can yell in the morning."

Mom is reluctant to go, but soon, she leaves the cold cloth on Seth's forehead and a kiss on his cheek. He's just falling back into the hallucination, drowning in Summer's expletives, when he hears Dad's voice coming from the poolhouse door.

"Ryan?"

Seth cracks a wary eye.

"I'm just gonna sit here, Sandy. I won't wake him, promise."

Then there's the click of the door and Mom and Dad are gone. Seth hadn't seen Ryan there before, and he can barely see him now, hidden behind the cloth and in a chair at the end of the bed. Seth's never see Ryan look so small, for a moment wondering if the Tahitian sun has ruined his eyes and now he'll be needing glasses.

Ryan stands up, and now he looks too big, towering over the bed. Very carefully, Seth pulls the washcloth away from his eyes, and when Ryan doesn't disappear with the noise of its slop on the floor, Seth ventures a question.

"Are you a heatstroke?"

"No, Seth," Ryan laughs. "I'm not a heatstroke."

"Aren't you supposed to be in Chino?"

"Aren't you supposed to be at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?"

"You mean I'm not?"

"No, Seth. You're home."

-

Seven days later, the phone rings. Ryan has been waiting for this call. It's Kirsten on the other end, not Sandy, so he was wrong on that.

She wants to hear about him, about Theresa, and about the baby. He tells her what he can, which isn't much. He has a job, Theresa still has the baby.

Kirsten doesn't say much, and then she says, "Seth," and the way it comes out, Ryan knows she wasn't supposed to tell. Sandy's probably standing with her in the kitchen, waving his arms around like an idiot because Seth isn't there to do it for him.

Theresa's drying the dishes (seven days and they already have the chores split) when he comes back into the kitchen to hang up the phone.

"We've been invited to dinner."

Ryan doesn't say anything about Seth.

It's a quiet dinner. Even Sandy has learned to keep his bad jokes to himself. Theresa looks uncomfortable, and Ryan has been on edge since Kirsten attacked him with a hug at the door.

Sandy starts clearing the table before the plates are empty, and Theresa gets up to help, desperate for something to do.

"It doesn't say even half the things I want it to," Kirsten tells him, pulling a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket. She sets it front of Ryan, and there, unmistakable between the wrinkles, is Seth's handwriting. "Summer says hers said about the same thing."

"He left a note for Summer?"

Neither Kirsten nor Sandy, stepping back into the dining room, offer Ryan a letter with his name on it.

He ducks his head to read the letter. It doesn't say anything he wants it to either, but Ryan has to remind himself, this isn't his letter. He didn't rate a letter.

After folding the pages carefully, following the intricate lines like a map, Ryan places it back on the table, and it sits there, staring up at them all.

Ryan pushes his chair back and meets Theresa at the counter. "Will you be OK for a minute?" he asks, putting a hand on her arm.

"Of course, but--"

"I just need some air," he tells them, and walks outside, past the poolhouse and down to the beach.

Newport is the last place he needs to be right now.

-

The letter meant for Ryan is still in Seth's pocket when he reaches home port. He didn't know what to say, and then, when Ryan tried to say goodbye, Seth knew he couldn't say it.

After the disaster that was his homecoming, Seth escapes with his XBox privileges intact. Frankly, with Summer not speaking to him and Ryan not returning any of the Cohens' messages, it's the only thing keeping Seth from going crazy and trying to sail to Chino.

He finds, tucked behind Gran Turismo, a burned CD with no label. Probably a mix for Summer that got lost before it got given.

Seth takes it upstairs to play on the computer, and maybe iTunes will remember the tracks.

It does. It tells Seth that Iron and Wine is singing "Such Great Heights," like he could ever mistake that voice. It tells Seth that "Sloop John B" is coming up and that there are more songs about the sea than he might have guessed.

It tells Seth that these are the songs that will guide him home.

Seth's grounded, and even if that does come to an end before the next apocalypse, he still won't be allowed to drive Mom's Range Rover to Chino. So he leaves another message on Ryan and Theresa's machine. Seth hopes that there are some songs that will lead Ryan back where he belongs.

-

The Summer Breeze comes ashore the same night Ryan phones for a ride home. Both boys sleep in the poolhouse that night, and for the rest of the week. Kirsten finds them sitting one, two at the end of the island each morning she comes down for breakfast. Seth gets the bowls out of the cupboard and Ryan holds up each box of cereal for vote. 

Kirsten stands aside and lets the boys make breakfast. Making things better isn't her job anymore.

-

Two hours out to sea, Seth starts noting the flaws in his plan. In addition to the food issue and the water issue, there's the what-I-should-have-said-to-Ryan issue?

There are some things in Summer's letter he knew he would regret. "I love you, but..." was maybe not the best opener. Ryan didn't even get a "but," let alone the "I love you" Seth wanted him to have.

-

If he called it a sailing trip, it wasn't running away. But Dad was having none of that.

"You need a reason to come home? Ryan. Ryan needs you, he doesn't need to be worrying about you, and you know that he is. The boy can't help himself."

"He might just be a Cohen after all."

"That's not fair, Seth. Leaving wasn't easy for him."

"Well, it sure didn't take long."

"You didn't give him a chance."

-

In another lifetime, Seth doesn't leave. Ryan does, because even Seth's Elseworlds aren't perfect, so he still has to drive to Chino to see his best friend.

Seth makes plans. Ryan's time is taken up with work and night school and Theresa, so Seth tries to make their frivolous time worth something. It's not just trips to the pier and The Crab Shack. It's not just Newport, either.

Finally, finally, Ryan lets Seth see Chino. He shows him all the spots he loved as a kid, and a few of the infamous ones, because he knows Seth likes that kind of thing. Seth plays Spot the Car Thief. Ryan's in the passenger seat, so he keeps the tally.

When Seth forgets his schedules and diagrams at home, their afternoons go late. They swing by the restaurant to pick up Theresa and drive out to Newport for dinner with the Cohens. Ryan thinks he leaves the plans at home on purpose, but he doesn't say anything.

-

The difference is, when you Choose Your Own Adventure, you can look ahead to make sure everything turns out OK. Seth always cheated.

"But that takes all the fun out of it," Mom would say when Seth was younger and still admitted reading the books.

"He's a Cohen, honey. That's what we do," Dad would tell her.

Seth knows as soon as he leaves the dock that this choice leads to death by wild dog. Or a month-long grounding at least.

He knows still when, an hour out to sea, he caves and eats the second corndog he bought on the pier and was saving for when the tribes people wanted to feed him Tahitian Surprise. Seth knows this is possibly the worst mistake of his life when the sky gets dark and he realises that, although Ryan gave it back, he has only a map -of- Tahiti, not a map -to-.

The Summer Breeze gets docked safely, and Seth gets a cab home in time for, not dinner, but Sandy Cohen's middle of the night bagel and lox ritual.

He gives Seth half and says, "Your mother would like a word."

-

They stop at a 7-11 on the way to Chino. Theresa has to pee, and Ryan grabs a pack of cigarettes. It always was easier to buy them here. He's just stamping out the first when Theresa comes out.

"Mrs. Cohen said you quit."

"I did." He slides the matches under the plastic and slides the whole pack into his back pocket. "I can drive. If you want."

Theresa opens the passenger door before giving up the keys.

Ryan drives too slow the rest of the way, and when they get to Theresa's mom's house, it's dark, it's late, and they're both worn out. Between the wedding and Marissa, the Cohens and Seth, Ryan is ready to crash where he lands.

He's on the couch in the living room when he wakes the next morning and hears Theresa on the phone.

"Oh, hello, Mr. Cohen...I'm sorry, we should have called, but we got home and Ryan was just exhausted...Yes, we both were...I'll just--"

Ryan's in the kitchen doorway when she turns around to give him the phone, and she lets out a surprised gasp.

"He's right here, Mr. Cohen...Thank you."

Sandy's voice is quiet and far away, like maybe Seth was right and Chino was a world away. He tells Ryan the news, and it's quite possibly the last thing he expected. Seth would never leave without Captain Oats, let alone Summer.

Theresa's taken his place in the doorway, watching him hang up the phone. He keeps his head down so she can't see anything; he doesn't want to worry her.

"I'm gonna need to borrow your car."

-

After the phone call from Sandy, and the trip to pick up a letter she doesn't even want, Summer has one more thing to do at the Cohen house. She's waiting with a milk crate full of his things when Kirsten answers the door.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry."

She lets Summer in.

"It wasn't a very good letter."

-

Summer drops everything on the bed upstairs, but she keeps the crate because it's hers.

Kirsten's waiting at the bottom of the stairs. "Do you want some ice tea?"

-

Coop is a good friend, the best even. She's having a hard time of it right now, and Summer's been there. Because she's the best, too. Besides, even if Coop weren't her best friend, even if she didn't need company, there's always the hot new gardener to keep Summer coming back to the new Nichol mansion.

But every single day is starting to wear. They haven't talked about Summer once, beyond a Cohen-related Ryan story. This isn't what Summer signed on for.

With Kirsten, the stories are Ryan-related and Cohen-related, and a lot of them include Summer, too. She has to take what she can get.

\- 

They have a standing date now. On Wednesdays, Kirsten cuts out of work early and they have lunch. Kirsten usually goes for sushi or Thai. Summer gets Mexican and Kirsten makes them both virgin margs.

If she has news of Ryan and the baby, Kirsten passes it on. If Kirsten has news of Seth, she never says anything. Summer understands. She never tells Coop about Ryan.

Summer isn't there the day the boys come home. Kirsten phones to tell her, and Summer can hear Cohen making a fool of himself in the background. She says "no," when Kirsten offers to pass the phone over.

He can buy lunch next Wednesday and maybe Summer will talk to him then.

-

Ryan checks ticket prices to Tahiti, then, later, after the phonecall from Sandy, he looks at a more realistic flight to Portland.

Sandy shows up at the site, ticket in hand, because that's what Cohen's do. Sandy wants the one-two punch. He thinks that's how to get Seth home. Ryan knows better.

-

Ryan swings by the Cohen's every day after work, even though it's not exactly a shortcut. Theresa doesn't say anything. She definitely doesn't say he worries too much, because that's nothing new.

There's no mom, drunken and bruised, to take care of, and Ryan swore he'd leave Marissa back in Newport. Now he's traded one worry for another, and all his fears are with Seth, lost at sea, and with the baby, growing inside Theresa.

Ryan knows he can never stop worrying about the baby. Not unless -- but he doesn't say those words out loud. And even when Seth returns, Ryan doesn't see that worry going away, either.

-

They come home broken. Both of them. Sandy was kind of expecting that. He was hoping things would be different, but they don't have that kind of luck. 

But they came home. That was a start. Here, things could be better, if they're not going to be different.

Seth will play videogames, and Ryan will empty the dishwasher without having to be asked. There's not much Sandy and Kirsten can do now. They can keep the light on. Sandy will keep his eyes open. He'll keep his boys on the right track.

-

Chino wasn't the same. It was pretty much the way Ryan remembered it, but it wasn't the same. Ryan had changed, and this town wasn't his past anymore, but something different. He didn't want to think about what that was.

Theresa had changed too, and Ryan wondered how their hometown looked to her.

He thought about Newport, even when he didn't want to. When Seth finally came home, the beach would look different to him, too. Ryan would look different.

Normal would be a long way off. But normal is worth looking for.

-

Entertaining himself wasn't the problem, Seth found. Conversation was a little dry without Captain Oats, but this trip wasn't about old comrades telling war stories.

This was supposed to be the Big Sailing Trip of Personal Reflection. After a few hours inside his own head, Seth was renaming it the Big Sailing Trip of Gay Reflection.

-

Kirsten doesn't pray anymore. Not since her mother died. But she prays for her boys, and for the baby, too.

-

Seth planned for every disaster. Bee stings and sunstroke and a port without a decent comic book store. The last thing on his mind was a shipwreck. He had a lot of time to think on it on that island of his. Except for a few prehistoric birds flying overhead and taunting him, Seth was alone, and never missing Captain Oats more.

The Captain was brave, and if Seth had brought him along, he would have insisted on going down with the ship. And that was looking like a better idea already.

-

The phone rings four times, and when someone at the Cohen house finally picks up, it's not a Cohen at all. It's Ryan. Seth was kind of hoping to work his way up to Ryan.

Ryan says "hello" again because Seth forgot to answer the first time.

"It's me."

-

Luke said, "You're an idiot," and Seth flinched before he remembered that he wasn't doing that anymore. It was a habit forgotten, like Ryan and Newport. Except not really, because Luke was still tossing the insults like a kid with a baseball glove and Seth was still trying to be his friend.

-

When Ryan came home, he told himself it was for Kirsten and Sandy. It had nothing to do with the baby, and nothing to do with missing Seth. Ryan was a good kid; that was why he had to leave, and that's why he was coming home. 

There's a skateboard propped up against the staircase, but the whole house is too quiet. Nobody says much when Kirsten hugs him, when Sandy pulls leftover canapés out of the fridge, and they stand around kitchen island eating a Newport dinner. Ryan stretches it out as long as possible, and he's sure they can tell.

"Things'll get better, kid," Sandy promises. "He chose to take his punishment in the poolhouse. Why don't you go and kick him out of your room."

-

When he was ready, Ryan would come home. They all knew it, but no on said anything, for fear of jinxing the whole thing.

Seth talked to him on the phone every day. He let Ryan call -- he was the one who had a job, after all -- but took over the conversation. He never asked about Theresa. He kept it light. They talked about Seth things, which was how their friendship had usually gone. Ryan things were always too hard to talk about, especially over the phone. There was a lot Seth needed to talk about, but they weren't talking about the hard things.

-

Seth had always kind of been in his own head. It was weird in there, but it was safe. There was no one to slam you into lockers or call you "queer", unless it was a particularly existential day.

He knew now, three days out to sea, that he didn't want to live in his head. 

For one, Ryan couldn't live in Seth's head with him. There was a Ryan in there, of course, but he wasn't quite right. Like seeing Ryan in a Lacoste polo, it just didn't ring true.

And every day was existential day in Seth's head. His brain was pretty much convinced of Seth's gayness. Seth, not so much. But that had a lot to do with the not-quite-Ryan.

-

A year later, Kirsten is antsy. Something is coming. Sandy may not see it, but she does. Things are going to change, and she's worried it might not be for the better.

-

"Did you know you can't sail to Chino?"

"You didn't try hard enough."

-


End file.
